Dear God,
Please teach me to be a little braver.
Teach me to love myself a little better.
Love, Robby

March 23, 2010

So today I got really frustrated.
Yesterday at work some things where said to me and I went into work with my parents blessing as well as a full intention to turn in my two weeks notice.
I have just about had my fill.
I was texting with my mother, and I said to her "maybe I dream to big." and "why has my life turned out this way?"
her reply
"dreams and life dont happen you have to work for both"
...sometimes I feel totally blessed to have my mother as my mother. She also said I needed to "grow up and decide what I want and do it."

Which I think I am doing???

My problem is I am a dreamer that needs to put in the legwork. I also have realized that I am the kind of person that puts my needs behind others, something that can be a good thing but seems like moreso gets abused.

I guess I just have little faith in myself.

So hear is a thought, as a Christian should I take my same mustard seed faith and apply it to my way in a form of radical self love? Keeping God and People first but reaching even further to love myself a little too?

...I don't think this is wrong but I am going to look into it a little bit more.

So I have been listening to Christian radio a lot more lately and I hear this song by the Sidewalk Prophets that I thought I would share:

The Words I Would Say:

Three in the morning,
And I'm still awake,
So I picked up a pen and a page,
And I started writing,
Just what I'd say,
If we were face to face,
I'd tell you just what you mean to me,
I'd tell you these simple truths,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

Last time we spoke,
You said you were hurting,
And I felt your pain in my heart,
I want to tell you,
That I keep on praying,
Love will find you where you are,
I know cause I've already been there,
So please hear these simple truths,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
These are the words I would say,

From one simple life to another,
I will say,
Come find peace in the Father,

Be strong in the LORD and,
Never give up hope,
You're going to do great things,
I already know,
God's got His hand on you so,
Don't live life in fear,
Forgive and forget,
But don't forget why you're here,
Take your time and pray,
Thank God for each day,
His love will find a way,
These are the words I would say

I cry everytime I hear that song.

March 22, 2010

So yesterday was a fun day. Ashley and I got to go on a wild rainy foggy adventure to Asheville N.C. where she got to try on fun clothes and we ate A LOT of really good food.

Today was different though. Today I spent most of the day crying, and I don't know why. I was cold and tired all day.

Mom says it is because I don't rest, and that I have lost my effort to make an effort. Maybe she's right.

Listening to:

NeedtoBreathe - Washed By The Water

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts rising
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

Daddy was a preacher
She was his wife
Just tryin to make the world a little better
You know, shine a light
People started talking
Trying to hear their own voice
Those people tried to accuse my father
Said he made the wrong choice
Though it might be painful
You know that time will always tell
Those people have long since gone
My father never failed

Even if the Earth crumbles under my feet
Even if the ones I love turn around and crucify me
I won’t never ever let you down
I won’t fall
I won’t fall
I won’t fall as long as you’re around me

March 14, 2010

So, if you are looking for an action movie that put you on the edge of your seat waiting for what happens next than I totally reccomend wanted to you. Wanted is the story of a man whose daughter is taken by mobsters (if you will) for sex trafficing...and he goes to find her. It is a good movie. But that is not what this blog is about...

...This blog is about things that have happened to me in the past when I was in Europe and being approached by girls and not knowing the severity of what could have or was happening to them. This movie brought back all of that and has filled my head with these girls that I had some how forgotten these girls who God only knows what has happened to them. These girls are what consumes me tonight.

I am tearing up just thinking about this and full of rage that I didnt know I could have. I am mad at myself for not praying for these girls, mad at myself for forgetting them.

.....how do we do this to each other???.....

I really dont have anything else to say, except I love you. I love them. But I wish we where all better.

God Bless.

March 13, 2010

So I haven't wrote in awhile. Not because I have not wanted too, but just because some of...well most of the things that have been going on are either really personal and would take an epic amount of courage to put out there for everyone to read or just not anything that would be interesting.

So wahs going on in my life at the moment.

I shaved my own head, I started out just saying that it was out of a desire to not spend money but really I think it was something much deeper. A testiment to make myself bare of everything that can hide me. It's still not perfect and its got some choppy parts but the longer I keep it that way the more I am in love with it. Who am I trying to impress anyway?...

Had a dream last night I was running the NYC marathon, at night, in the rain, on top of fold out tables. I had to finish because this ladycop said "who do you think you are running this marathon? Win it. We want to go home"