I have prayed more in the past few days than I have in a very long time. I am not talking simple little pretty diddys I am talking thowdown in the floor begging through tears for peace and understanding. I am having a hard time quieting my mind these days and I will cry at the drop of a hat.
The other day I saw someone that I went to school with that I had hoped that I would never see again. He was a pretty vile person who said a multitude of evil things to me. I was in Walmart (where else?) and there he was....and there I was with a bottle of VO5 and the Robert Pattinson Vanity Fair. I suddenly felt very self consious and wanted to just run, but he ran before I did. Mom says that "maybe he was scared of what you would say"....but I dont know...i still feel bad about the whole situation...that even 5 years out those who made me hate school still have that power over me...it makes me sick.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I understand that feeling. I had several people like that who haunted me. I used to be afraid but I stood up to one of them on facebook, of all things. I realized that they mean nothing. The hurtful things that they pushed on me, all the insults and name callings of my youth just vanished. I am me and there is nothing that will diminish that.
ReplyDeleteJust like you are you and its those people who are losing out by not knowing who you are. I know I'm better off by knowing you & there are many others like me.
So next time you see whoever, don't acknowledge them. Hold your head high & walk past with your VO5 and your Vanity Fair. Trust me, it's their lost. We're the lucky ones.
I can also think of people in my life that I would want to run from if I saw them in public, and I'm sure most people can. Whether it's someone we clashed with from the beginning, or someone who was once a friend, it's very difficult to move on from people and situations that caused pain.
ReplyDeleteI know you know that people only have power over us if we allow them to, but recognizing that is only the first step in healing. It's super hard for me to move on from things like this, but I think it's almost always connected to our self-affirmation. When we are content and proud of who we've been sculpted to be, what other people fail to see in us doesn't even matter to us. When we aren't confident in who we are, we fear that others criticisms of us are correct. But Robin's right, nothing other people say can diminish who we are if we don't let it.
It's best to surround ourselves with people who affirm us and recognize the good qualities in us. If you're praying, realize that God also affirms you, and being affirmed by the one who designed you is a powerful thing. As trite as this may sound, the best thing you can be is yourself, and changing to please others is always a step down.